Video Breakdown: Madonna ~ Girl Gone Wild (Uncensored)

People are going a bit mad for Madonna's MDNA aren't they? I'm going all old school and buying it from an actual shop on MoNDAy. Until then I'm revelling in all the singles (though Masterpiece does feel like an exquisite interim song, much like This Used To Be My Playground was before the amaze Erotica album was released) and hurrah! A sizzling video for Girl Gone Wild has been released. It's sticky and sweet all at once, generously coated with lube and reeking of poppers. I should have done a frame by frame breakdown two days ago, but I was busy screaming with pleasure over the Hit Factory concert & the return of S Club 7. Better late than never I say. NOW MOVE :D

• I do love the opening prayer. It's like the start of Sorry updated for 2012. Frankly it's the best "dear god" moment since Leslie Bibb outed Kristin Chenowitz as a strip club owner at church on the opening episode of GCB...
• It's all black and white which reminds me a little bit of Vogue. Pause at exactly 3s and Madonna looks uncannily like RuPaul...
• Oh my. It's not like any prayer i've seen in church (though if it was, I might go more often). Some man is basically flicking himself off and Madonna is having a fag. All in the first ten seconds. PREACH!
• Two men are now basically face fucking an apple. I've never wanted to be the forbidden fruit more. religious themes abound, etc.
• 28s - Madonna is now doing some off the wall push ups. Sex push ups if I'm honest with you. I've not seen this level of bump and grind down at my local zumba class, but you just know she could grip a pin with those thighs...
• 10 seconds later, one of the unfeasibly buff and hot guys is scratching his head with a gun. I hope it's one of those fake lighter guns because I wouldn't want him to go off before I'm ready, fnar fnar...
• The first verse has started. There are lots of close ups of Madonna. More importantly (more important than Madonna? MADNESS!) there are some close ups of Unfeasibly Hot Duo generally being unfeasibly hot and having a sexy fun time...
• AMAZING DANCE ROUTINE ALERT!! HRNK!! A plethora of foxy chaps are working the dancefloor with moves that pay tribute to Vogue but don't exactly replicate it. Some woman (possibly Madonna) is chained up in silohuette. The foxy chaps are rocking the leggings and heels look in a way that makes me feel funny in my nether regions. Best costume drama since Downton Abbey!
• As the chorus is fading into verse two, there are scribblings by a child (possibly Rocco) type visual effects whilst Madonna gives good pounding. This is not a euphemism, repeat, this is not a euphemism...
• At around 1m48s Madonna matches the lyrics by spinning. With the foxy dudes. She is literally spinning around a la the Kylie song, but with a visual nod to Kylie's All The Lovers. J'approve.
• Madonna is basically now being worshipped by the foxy dudes. Which is exactly what should happen if you are Madonna. God, I loved the Give Me All Your Luvin' video (see breakdown here) but this is something completely different. I feel like I'm having a sexual experience, somewhat against my will!! :D
• At 2m01s there is quite an impressive close up of Madonna's bosomage. Just in case this made any of the gays long for some male flesh, well just ask and ye shall receive. Milliseconds later, there is a guy in his nuddy pants as well the apple face fuckers back (by public demand no doubt). Gun Boy is there too, all the while Madonna is just looking on, having a cigarette and touching herself (most likely)...
• CHORUS TWO! Same as before, a little bit better and a little bit more. Madonna is now central to the dance action and this gives me giddy gosh goosebumps. I bet there's not a single one of you not practising that dance routine. Take that Steps!
• (Personally I'm quite enjoying the pause at 2m35s so just give me a few moments and I'll be right back!)
• More Madonna worship during the middle 8, where it is revealed she is the chained beast! One guy gets a mouthful of Madonna hair, but to be fair, he's a total professional and doesn't gob it out or scrape his tongue. (He probably just sold it on ebay later)...
• 2m57s! AMAZER! Jesus is back. He's had some time off since Like A Prayer but now he has returned. His crown of thorns is obviously the timeless fashion accessory. The models of him in the Big Fat Gypsy Wedding caravans are always adorned by it...
• 3m exactly = Madonna doing the best "cat that got the cream, licked it all up, got fucked raw by the cream and then went back for seconds" look ever. EVER...
• The foxy dudes are frenzied with desire. As they should be. They are writhing around all over the place.
• Another great Madonna pose at 3m12s...
• More Rocco scribblings! More homoerotic writhing action! Madonna laughs! Madonna going wild like a girl with the dry ice machine! Madonna crying black tears (or just wearing really cheap eyeliner)! The end...