RuPaul's Drag Race Season 4 - The Reunion Blog

Last week, the winner of RuPaul's search for America's next drag superstar was ruvealed. Or not. In fact, Ru was about to ruveal the ruvelation when in a twist worthy of a twizzler, it was witheld until the ruunion show! EL SCANDALO! So poor Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles (YAY) and evil Faux Faux O'Hell No have had to wait several months to find out if they have the charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent to follow in Ru's fabulous shoes. And in honour of this gnarly twist, I'm going to make you wait a few hours for my sickening review of the Reunion Episode. In the meantime, gag on the eleganza of one of RuPaul's amazing songs and feast your eyes on some of my favourite non-RuPaul catchphrases of contestants past and present...

*GO BACK TO PARTY CITY GIRL* *JESUS IS A BISCUIT* *ESCHA PILANTE!* *BAM!* *IF THIS IS THE FACE OF BOOGER THEN I THINK IT'S SICKENING* *WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT TYRA?* *MY CERVIX IS SOFTENING JUST WATCHING* *JUST A LITTLE PRICK IN THE MOUTH* *YOUR TONE SEEMS VERY POINTED RIGHT NOW* *ANYTHING AT ALL THAT PANDORA BOXX SAYS*

• Opening Number ~ it's the gorgeous glamazons of RuPaul's Drag Race. They have an opening performance number and are giving it X Factor Sunday Night Result Show fierceness. At least it's better than Marcus had to sing Hold On with Little Pricks. I must admit I've already forgotten a few of the earlier queens. Oops. Viva Latrice Royale though. I'm disappointed that Faux Faux gets a cheer at least as loud as Chad and Shazbats.
• Video Link ~ RuPaul pretends not to be there and then the video link fake goes down while a somewhat chunkier Carmen Carrera pretends to look shocked. Acting is not her forte. ReaRu is a vision in red. This much red on anyone else would be like a giant used tampon with blonde hair. On RuPaul? Sickening :D In honour of Jiggly Caliente I have my 5th nervous-eating custard cream. I'm gonna death drop the house down if they don't reveal a winner soon...
• Gone Too Soon ~ It's the early departing queens. Alyssa Summers, you barely made it to autumn. She reads Jiggly for wearing sneakers. Princess reads Willem and totally disses post her sashay away runway outfits, like she could've done better (she could have on some occasions). The library opening hours are extended for Madame LaQueer (i was NEVER a fan, reminded me too much of hideola bitch who picked up India Ferra last year) but it's barely worth the staff wages. She was shit.
• The Middle ~ Did Milan ever keep her wig on? Apparently not and continues to look more man in a dress than the queen of the man in a dress look, Raja. Jiggly is sitting weirdly on the stall, almost like it is a deformed robot fisting her. She seems to like it. Ooo Dita next - I did enjoy her Whitney-circa-So-Emotional perkiness. And they replay the family reunion video from the Interior Illusions Lounge. In the background of this clip I notice that Latrice has had a stroke. Someone get me 50ccs of butter scotch sauce STAT!! Kenya (who never should have been bought back) is 100% loon. Add pensioner Charro to the mix is like being thrown into loon camp at loon tablet time while the loon juice is flowing. Coochie Coochie!
• Willem ~ why the fuck did he get disqualified? Was it because his tone is very pointed right now? When he threw up on stage did he get a bit of carrot on one of RuPaul's shoes? He's back on stage to reveal all, though his 5 o'clock shadow is halfway onto the stage before you even see his skimpy outfit. I get a bit ooo la la at the pit crew manhandling him and determine that I will break some rules too if that is the punishment. Oh. His husband gave him conjugal visits and not just the talking kind. A bit of spaffy spaffy, pizzling up the glip if you know what I mean. So he's disqualified. Biggest let down since the return of Carmen Carrera in a no boogers t-shirt.
• Latrice ~ Being In Total Control of Herself. "You have changed my life forever". Best fucking exit ever. One of my fave people on the show ever (joining the select few of Pandora Boxx, Alexis Matteo & of course Sharon). "It's ok to fall down. Get up. Look sickening and make them EAT IT". AMAZING. Her on Drag U will be eleganza!
• The Top 3 ~ Plug for Glamazon. Available on iTunes and Amazon don't you know. Faux Faux is giving constipated poodle realness while Sharon and Chad turn it out. Sharon tells Ru that it was really hard to find a redeeming quality in Faux Faux. Willem cries "bullshit" as Faux Faux tries to look sincere (he actually looks like someone let a wasp loose in his urethra) and says he respects Sharon. Chad with 100% class continues this day of reckoning for Faux Faux. Jiggly adds her two cents. "I ain't going to RuPologise" says Willem after saying Faux Faux should be studied. "Bitch I'm stealing that word" squeals Ru...
• Miss Congeniality ~ who else? Latrice. There is a god and it's the fans of RuPaul's Drag Race.
• More Final 3 ~ Faux Faux does not have charisma, uniqueness, nerve or talent, but she sure is a cunt. Chad oozes sophistication and glamour. Sharon may embody Morticia Addams but that's the whole reason I adore her - she's the ultimate role model to anyone who feels odd or an outsider or not part of the super polished clique. "If anyone ever boos you off stage, it's just applause from ghosts" she says. Amen.
• THE WINNER ~ thank the gods. Justice is served. Sharon Needles. I wept a little.

See you for all stars?