Well, the judges are announced and the auditions are currently touring the country ready for the summer launch of the 10th (!) year of television's biggest singing competition juggernaught, The X Factor. It's certainly true that it seems to have attracted it's fair share of criticism in recent years and ratings aren't quite what they used to be, but I still think there is life in the old dog yet. This should be a glorious celebration of it's 10th anniversary year and while it might be a bit too late to apply these suggested changes this year, here's what I think might just send the show soaring to glorious new heights...
- BGT up the judges ~ Yes yes, it's all very *exciting* that Sharon is coming back & she'll get to play a caricature of herself that says "fabulous" a lot, teases "Lou-lou" and has her dogs shit all over the studio (probably bringing in Kate Thornton to clean it up). There have been some serious misfires in recent years with the judging panel (though I would not have missed Gary criticise Tulullah's fag ash breath for anything) and one only needs to turn to Britain's Got Talent for a cohesive, funny, witty panel of judges. Yes this means bringing back Simon Cowell. Alesha, Amanda and David would all make brilliant mentors in their own ways - even if they don't necessarily know much about music. And Britain's Got Talent has proved that they have an addictive chemistry that's hard to resist. Even with someone lobbing eggs at them...
- Stick to a theme ~ X Factor used to have quite cohesive theme weeks. And acts stuck to that theme, making it much more entertaining. Now the theme can mean anything you want it to - I mean how open to interpretation is "rock week"??! And mentors/acts will have the most tenuous of link to the theme that makes it all but completely irrelevant. Makes the themes smart & modern - and find a way to penalise acts if they do not stick to it!
- No more made up groups ~ Yes yes One Direction and Little Mix have done well (Union J are off to an ok start - jury is still out on longevity). But there is room in the world for groups that aren't made up by the producers of the show so they can nod smugly when they shove every other fully formed auditioning group off the rota. It just makes a mockery of the category - at this stage there is almost no point auditioning if you are already in a group. BGT has proved that there are quality pop groups out there (Loveable Rogues, Luminites) that have worked hard at their craft and as much as the solo acts on the show, deserve their time in the spotlight...
- Ditch the Sunday results show ~ is there a more bloated hour than the Sunday results show? Why not streamline and put some brilliant show on for 30-60 minutes after the live show has finished on a Saturday, then return for a condensed results show that has 1 all-contestants number, 1 guest star and the sing off. Then fans have all day Sunday to bitch about the results on twitter :) Perfect!
- Respect the past ~ It's all well and good having these superstar names on the show to hawk their latest song (and have a probing interview with Dermot that consists of asking if they are touring and is the single now on iTunes, which - inevitably - it is), but the show has always been a platform to launch singing careers. True, the guest performances on the results show do have lots of the show's alumni on but why not go a step further? Get the fans to vote for which more obscure act from years gone by they would like to see return to the stage. Obviously it helps if they have new music coming out - but there are still a whole host of names that could be featured...
- Sort out the elimination process ~ it's bordering on farcical now really. 2 of the judges always vote for their own act anyway, meaning it's really down to the remaining 2 judges. More often than not, it's goes to deadlock which means it's down to the viewer's vote anyway. And this whole process takes a good 15-20 minutes. Also, get the acts to up their game by revealing what order they are in on a weekly basis! We've paid for our vote, we want to know if they are top or close to bottom!
- Share the categories ~ Having the judges mentor one category often forces them into a situation where they have to argue that Rylan is very good indeed or that Christopher Maloney is the very future of pop. It stretches the credibility beyond the scope of reason and limits their ability to mentor. I'm not sure that splitting the categories will solve this (e.g. judges having 1 of each of the boys, girls, overs and groups) but it might make for more scintillating viewing and give each judge a fighting chance...
- Fans vs favourites ~ This could be an odd one but could be amazing. Pick the top 2 from each of the judges houses auditions, then pad out the categories with a returning act from year gone by. Why the heck not give them another shot?! Gamu finally makes the live shows! Eton Road reforms! Daniel DeBourg continues to get his DILF on! Could be absolutely fascinating or absolutely car crash television. Who is hungriest for fame?! May the odds be ever in your favour, etc...
- Pick a better winner's song ~ Enough with the "aren't we cool" cover versions? Once you are down to top 5, get the acts an original number that suits their style and is fitting for the competition. The show's finest winner's moment was Shayne Ward getting That's My Goal. Because really, did no one notice the complete inappropriateness of Little Mix singing "there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth"?? Want a cover version? Fine. Stick it on the flip side.
- Give it a rest! ~ Perhaps, after this year, the show could do with a mini break. I'm not talking forever but I'm sure there are some pretty smart people in the world of television who could come up with a show to take the nation by storm next autumn to give the X Factor a year off. Then, bring it back so viewers are actually anticipating it and not fatigued on it like it seems they are now...
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