The X Factor 2013: Week 3 ~ Auditions

Ah yes. Week 3 of the British X Factor auditions. Just so you know, US X Factor started this week in (of course) the US of A and already one Rachel Potter has blown all UK auditions out the water (see above). Now I may be a little bit biased as I've written about Rachel before (thanks to her sparkling duet with the lovely Voiceplay) but this performance was a masterclass in how to audition for this show. I mean it's been on the air in various countries for 10 years now people should have a good idea of what's going to happen - Rachel handles the judges quite pointed & blunt questioning with grace and ease before launching into her country version of Somebody To Love. The first few notes are stunning - Kelly R is right, her vocal (and breath) control is amazing & this continues through the rest of the song. She flings every ounce of passion and emotion into the song that perfectly match the lyrics and it's mesmerising to watch & a joy to listen to. It's not an easy song to sing - and this may well be the very best X Factor version of the song since G4 conquered it back in the inaugural British series. It was bold, breathtaking and gave me goosebumps all the way to Hogwarts and back. I'll definitely be following Rachel's progress (don't f*** it up America!) through the US series, but in the mean time let's see what's been occurring on our own fair shores...

• INTRO ~ For absolutely no reason and apropos of nothing, there is a clip of James Arthur getting his new single, You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You, getting played on radio 1. James has perfected Gary's smug nod and nods smugly as it plays. Then there is a clip of James winning the X Factor in case everyone had forgotten and wondered why the X Factor were showing these clips of John Newman, uh, I mean James Arthur as the intro to the show. It's all to show you this is what you can achieve. You too can sing a Shontelle song and be massive! Live the dream people! And they are - they are all queueing up for what Dermot says will be a busy day of auditions. Sadly the auditionees don't do the collective "X" sign with their arms, but the new series is young and there are plenty of auditions left. In other news, isn't it exciting that Kylie is to be a judge on The Voice?! Presented by Emma "Mrs Matt Busted" Willis?!?! I bet she won't laugh when someone sings "I messed my pants as I flew over France"...
• KINGSLAND ~ Boy band alert! Finally! Some groups getting the attention pon de X Factor! One of them is wearing a bow tie so already I'm sold :P There are lots of clips of them mucking around, talking about their "real" jobs and having general horseplay malarky-ness. They all live together in East London - so are like a modern day version of the Spice Girls but less butch. They want to be as big as Take That & sing a Swedish House Mafia song. I like it. A lot. Nice harmonies. Nice individual vocals. Peppy energetic performance. 5 of them so you can get drunk with your friends in the pub and discuss which one you fancy most this week (the dude with the guitar)... Sharon disses them a bit but it's only about the visual aesthetics so no doubt they'll all be in suits by the live shows. Wouldn't it be lovely if an actual group that wasn't put together by the show did rather jolly well this year?! Don't let me down Kingsland!
• BRICK CITY ~ Of course one successful group on the X Factor means there are lots of other successful groups! These shows don't just fall together on their own you know - there's a narrative thrust. Ooo, good word. THRUST. Sharon says that the guy wearing my nan's pashmina looks like one of the Village People and the girl in the group pisses herself laughing with a brilliantly dirty laugh :) They sing Locked Out Of Heaven and it's rapturous finger clicking fun. Their clip was far far too brief but the few seconds they showed had me enchanted and I bloody loved it. This week's show is winning me over all over again. Gleeful!
• ROUGH COPY ~ Another previous show contestant returns! This time it's Rough Copy who were apparently in it last year but I've scanned through my posts and don't recall writing about them at all :S Sorry dudes! Anyway, they got to judges houses last year only they didn't because there were "visa issues", whatever that means. So they are back and singing Jessie J's Do It Like A Dude - ironic as one of them seems to be wearing a dress. It's a bit thrusty and grindy but there's no denying they have decent vocals. I'd like to see a little less comedic aping and more singing next time so we'll see what the arena auditions bring...
• RYAN & LYDDIA ~ they come in rapping the judges names. "My name's Ryan." "My name's Lyddia" "Together we're Ryan and Lyddia". Well, if their audition is as innovative as their name we are in for a treat my friends. They are very "energetic" which can come across as highly annoying can't it?! Ryan takes off his hoodie to show that he means business. Of course it's a 'not very good at all' audition which I should've picked up from the Whigfield Saturday Night background music that played. How annoying though that they got all this air time and the lovely Brick City got a few seconds. They seem stunned that they are not very good and don't get through. "You couldn't get a gig in an empty pub" says Gary, who then thinks, hmmm that's well good I'm putting it in the burn book. Ryan turns into a bit of a twat. He might be very drunk to be fair.
• GILES ~ Dermot is very touchy feely with the young chap. No wonder he is finding things amazing! He could be the most famous Giles since Mr Giles on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. He sings Price Tag (Jessie J is raking it in tonight) and it's very nice indeed. I quite like him and his interaction with the judges comes across as charming rather than annoying. Plus he works in some innovative humour into the song without being irritating like Rough Copy. Yay! This week is totally on a roll :) Loving the Giles.
• LYDIA ~ Well goodness me! One youngster is through and guess what? There is crazy mad talent from other youngsters (which sort of indicates that the next few contestants will get through. Where's the biting my nails drama oh Factor de la X?!) Lydia is a bit shouty for my liking although her voice is very strong. But dear God, no more JESSIE J! NO MORE JESSIE J! I'll even take Adele or Emile Sande at this point (Sharon says she'd be good in a girl group - flash forward to her being in a new put together Girl Group called Pitchy Strippers or something)!
• NICHOLAS ~ Nicholas, bless, has obviously come straight from his waiter job at the local Harvester. I'm criticising but then one of my friends points out that is how I dress for work. Good point. He does a bit of You Raise Me Up which is always quite inspirational isn't it (when done well). Nicholas does a decent job on it all but I'm still loving young Giles the most. Gary says no but everyone else puts him through. I'm with Gary on this one :S Sorry little Nicholas...
• STEPHANIE WOODS ~ Another previous contestant who says hello to Sharon straight away. Sharon has no idea who she is until one of the production crew does that cough thingy "Steph, ahem ahem". Then of course it all comes flooding back to Mrs O (which makes me think of Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques who would make a brilliant X Factor judge). Stephanie applied a whopping six years ago and didn't get through after judge's houses. She's a bit emosh isn't she? She's singing the Leona Lewis version of Snow Patrol's Run. It's very angelic choir girl which I actually have decided I like. It's genuinely a mesmerising performance - the six years since she last applied done gone and helped that girl no end. Sharon has some eye drops applied to her eye balls so she can shed a tear. Gary and Nicole think it can be improved but I'd like to see her improve :) Sharon is in bits as she gets through and snots all over Louis' nice Primark suit...
• SOULI ROOTS ~ Lots of dreadful people audition including J Koda who doesn't really sing, just freaks out to some dubstep. I can't be bothered to write about these people who make even my singing voice seem exquisite and beautiful. Gary would love to see a serious talent come in that people will respect. And in works Souli Roots. The name is quite mellifluous so let's just hope her music is. She's singing about the recession so that's gonna be jolly isn't it? She might be better on that Martin Lewis show rather than the X Factor but perhaps once she sings she will wow us all with her amazing talent. "Recently I lost my job, the only job I ever had. What do I do it's making me sad". Well you can't argue with lyrics like that - careful Souli, Des'ree might nick them for a follow up to Life! It certainly made me chuckle (especially the bit about £3 a slice for a cheesecake - is she crazy?! New York Vanilla Cheesecake is half price this week in Tesco for £1.75. Oh! She's got through. I'm not sure how I feel about this!
• JAMES ~ Bus driver James gets less than a minute to sing Lately by S Club 7 (the best version ever obviously). He is wearing the same shirt as Gary so they have an instant bond. They could be twins really couldn't they?! Louise has the same hair as Sharon and sings Jolene by Dolly Parton! Her and Sharon could be twins couldn't they?!
• NEXT OF KIN ~ The groups really are representing tonight aren't they?! Dermot announces that no one wants this opportunity more than Next of Kin (who are brothers - ooo it's like the McDonald Bros or Same Difference!) - I bet 100s of auditionees are shouting, no I want it more and getting into arguments with themselves about who wants it the most. See what words can do Dermot? See what you've started?! Anyway, Next of Kin were signed before to Universal but it didn't work out. They didn't become the teen stars that they perhaps should have been (but apparently their single made number 13! 24 hours - sadly not a cover of the Betty Boo song!) They have what Louis will call "the likeability factor" and sing their very own song (which the X Factor now own boys!) It's very Living In A Box - Room In Your Heart circa 1989 which I'm a-ok with because I think someone needs to revive that song. They do some lovely harmonies but I think would have been better served with a more well known song just for the familiarity factor at this stage. Nicole is blubbing like a baby. These boys have made her wet - and they get an in the room standing ovation. Cor blimey. Obviously they are through - the show ends on a high and I'm officially excited once again about The X Factor

THE SUNDAY AUDITIONS:

• CATCH UP ~ Of course there is a replay of last night in case you were watching hunky Ben Cohen on Strictly Come Dancing. For me, last night showcased the most cohesive stretch of brilliant auditions in the season to date so I'm actually quite excited about tonight (after wondering if I have X Factor fatigue). It's back in the summer for the X Factor judges and auditionees and they are all sweating like pigs.
• SOULI ROOTS ~ Souli (who I now really like after singing her bloody recession song all the live long day) has given herself a bit of a makeover. Because Louis mentioned Bob Marley she is no doubt going to sing Bob Marley. Souli (Although her name sounds better as one word - SOULIROOTS) runs onto the stage like a loon at loon camp blowing her whistle and leaping around like a cheerleader trying to recpature her youth. Amazing. Oh. She's singing Bob Marley and Three Little Birds. Oh she's gone to far. Already I'm a bit annoyed with her. I'm so fickle. I really do think she'd do better on Britain's Got Talent. Her need to leap all over stage impedes her vocals (which is a shame because I can't help but feel there may *MAY* be a decent singing voice in there somewhere). She's brilliant tv though really for the producers. When Gary tells her that the singing is just alright she takes it as a massive compliment. Well you can't fault her optimistic sunny outlook on life. I like her again, which is just as well as she's through (yes from Louis and Sharon, no from Gary leaving Nicole to be the voice of reason - something she's never been accused of before :D) PS Dermot looks lovely in a nice fitted white shirt.
• LYDIA ~ "It's not fake tan you know, this is olive skin" she tries to convince us. Yes and Rylan's teeth are all his own. This is the lass that they want to put in a girl band. I'm convinced she'll get through and then end up Pitchy Strippers at boot camp. She's singing an odd version of MJ's The Way You Make Me Feel. She reminds me of Britney - 1999 Britney not 2013 crotch in your face ostrich feathers Britney. I like 1999 Britney. She was just a year away from Oops I Did It Again. Ergo, I do quite like Lydia. Nicole and Louis say she owned the stage - that ol' chestnut. I'd ask for the title deeds and flog it on right move. Sharon says she has improved - which is surely the point??! Maybe she won't end up in Pitchy Strippers!
• GINETTE ~ I don't remember her in the room audition and she goes on about her African tribe, including a quick speech in the click language which was actually brilliant. She's not allowed a clip on X Factor's youtube for some reason and though her diva-ish antics backstage are a bit off putting, there's no denying her quite lovely voice.
• ROUGH COPY ~ "Rough coffee?" pipes up mum from the back of the room. Silly mum. They are all too keen on delivering the cool factor - perhaps that's just their swagger. Admitting they might be a gamble is perhaps not the best strategy but also may well be part of their swagger. It's not working for me. Still, it's quite clever to do a ballad after their chaotic audition in the room - shows off their vocals a lot better. I'm sure Gary winks at one of them - oh God they are coming off the stage. Can't they just stand in one spot - it sold Westlife millions of records for years (unless they were singing When You're Looking Like That). I've actually ignored most of the song because I find them so off putting. Sorry Rough Coffee. I fast forward to the decisions and it's a yes. I'm starting to forget why yesterday was so amazing...
• JAMES ~ Gary's twin! Like Ginette, he's also not got his own youtube clip on the X Factor page. How discriminatory. I have no idea what he is singing but i'm a bit behind on the times at the mo - it's not the strongest start but that doesn't stop the crowd going bonkers when he breathes in. "GaWAN DAD" shouts some sobbing kid from the sidelines. Oh. THAT was Daniel Merriweather. The judges completely tear him to pieces leaving the whole family devastated so that's improved their weekend hasn't it?! Nicole throws him a life line yes because she knows everyone else will say no. Which they do. "He's a real guy" slurs Nicole. As opposed to all the androids and robots that are auditioning...
• STEPHANIE ~ after lots of shots of the crowd disagreeing with the judges & resolutely booing them we get to an audition where everyone is in eventual agreement. Phew. I was predicting a riot there for a minute. The Stephster is singing Roy Orbison's I Drove All Night (not Celine Dion as Steph & X Factor youtube page says, although why not? I love a bit of Celine too). The crowd do a really weak, limp oh-we're-meant-to-clap when Sharon reminds them all that she was on the show last year. She should have gone the original Roy version as the beginning is a bit weak, the judges all look really disappointed and it sounds a bit meh until she gets to the chorus. I'm a bit annoyed with all the "it's too dated" comments as she then gets to sing Songbird by Eva Cassidy which is just as - if not more dated. GOOD GRIEF. At least it throws Stephanie a lifeline and she's through. Gary advises her to modernise as she won't get in the charts with these songs - like if she wins she will have ANY say over what she sings on an album!
• KINGSLAND ~ Hurrah! It's Kingsland! None of them are wearing a bow tie last night but that doesn't diminish my enthusiasm for their audition. Gary should be pleased as you can't get more contemporary than Bruno Mars' Treasures song can you? It's everything I want from a modern boy band. Dancing, harmonies, strong individual vocals, a bit of the fun factor. I am so on board with Kingsland. Today the guy in the white t-shirt is the hottest. It's an easy yes from all the judges and suddenly I have a group to root for at boot camp. Hurrah!
• NEXT OF KIN ~ It's top 20 hit makers Next Of Kin! Hurrah again. I think it's incredibly wise that they do Lonestar's Amazed after their self penned song last night. Gives us a chance to just focus on them rather than the song. Perfect for their harmonies too. They may need to take on board Gary's previous comments to Stephster (who may well end up in Pitchy Strippers) about being contemporary but they are rather adorable. I just wish we'd gotten to see more of them. OOO they could do a boy band version of Gimme More!
• NICHOLAS ~ Gary gave him a no and his outfit was like a 40 year old man (Me!) yesterday so I'm pleased he looks a bit more jhuzzed up tonight with much better hair. Bless him. He goes a bit Christina Perri and although he is visibly nervous, the song is performed beautifully as his weeping family attests backstage! Of course it was going to be good - it's the last audition of the day so the show has to finish on a high. The judges are completely won over and he's through to boot camp! Good for l'il saint Nick :) (PS No Giles or Brick City tonight so I'm hoping we get to see them next week!)