Well, my loveliest of the loveliest of chums, you've stuck with me through 2016 - and it has been quite a year hasn't it? We've got a divorce from Europe (but the terms are being finalised), we've been lumbered with a Donald Trump presidency (I'm still with her or literally anyone who doesn't tweet about increasing the size of their nuclear arsenal), and we now most likely have the indignity of Clear Bandits being the Christmas number one (as of time of writing, a little ahead of the official chart announcements). I mean, what has the world come to? I'm happy to stay in my own little liberal and musical bubble and envisage a world where Kylie Minogue, The Vaults and Robbie Williams are all tussling it out (ooo, a tussle with Robbie. Dreamy sigh) for chart supremacy. As you can see below, my most played songs at the most wonderful time of the year have become increasingly at odds with the official charts - and I'm a-ok with that. Scroll down for my trip down Memory Lane of all my most beloved *own* Christmas number ones - and thoughts on those that the public actually bought (and, latterly, streamed). Then revel with me in dreaming of an alternative universe where Kylie Minogue's Everybody's Free (To Feel Good) comes with a radiant video, a CD single/iTunes EP of remixes and is lifting spirits across the world. Like Xanadu, utopia, Camelot or the North Pole - you know it is a better place to be...
2000:
- MINE ~ Steps, The Way You Make Me Feel: At this stage in my life Steps could pretty much do no wrong. This pretty mid-tempo ballad with it's charming yet grandiose video not only felt like a Christmas smash but went on to become one of my very favourite Steps songs ever.
- ACTUAL ~ Bob The Builder, Can We Fix It?: What we can't fix is the fact that - in an attempt to halt Westlife getting their 8th consecutive number one single - people bought this in their droves. What a load of ol' tosh (which actually & sometimes endearingly can be what the British Christmas Number One is about!)
- MINE ~ Debbie Gibson, What Makes A Hero: An inspiring theatrical ballad that just fit my mood perfectly after the atrocities that this year bought. Seemed to beautifully illustrate how hope, determination & enduring human spirit will always win out. Deserved a much wider audience than it eventually got...
- ACTUAL ~ Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman, Something Stupid: My Christmas number two for the year so I was thrilled that (considering Deb wasn't in the running) this gave Robbie yet another chart topper from one of his best albums. Britain was still smitten...
- MINE & ACTUAL ~ Girls Aloud, Sound Of The Underground: Hurrah! The stars aligned and everyone was all about Girls Aloud for Christmas 2002. Seems absolutely bonkers now that warned all my friends rooting for Girls Aloud to beat One True Voice in the charts that they should never underestimate the power of a boy band! What was I thinking?! Song is still amazing, by the way :)
- MINE ~ Will Young, Leave Right Now: I was all nervous that Will would quickly be forgotten by the time his second album came out. I needn't have fussed as this ballad showed that we had barely scratched the surface of what he had to offer (and resonated with me way through New Year)...
- ACTUAL ~ Michael Andrews & Gary Jules, Mad World: Oh come on. I mean Will's song was sad, but this Tears For Fears cover was full on depressing. Still, there was a certain elegance to it that a nation decided in a mad world way that it actually loved. Go figure...
- MINE ~ Debbie Gibson, Christmas Without You: Well this was rather lovely wasn't it? Didn't stand a chance of Christmas number one in the UK but turned up on an obscure US compilation album & I feel in love. Piano ballad that bought out the melancholy in the season. Heaven.
- ACTUAL ~ Band Aid 20, Do They Know It's Christmas: I feel mean not connecting with this, but it just didn't resonate with me the way 1 and 2 did - seemed slightly too cool for me! PS Can we have a 30th anniversary Band Aid for 2014 please?
- MINE & ACTUAL ~ Shayne Ward, That's My Goal: The start of a four year domination of X Factor festive number ones - and one of the best thanks to getting an actual original song rather than a cover version. Helped of course that it was the type of uplifiting number that encapsulated the X Factor experience - and that I fancied Shayne quite a bit :)
- MINE ~ Take That, Patience: Like Will Young's Leave Right Now it was a song released way too early to be the Christmas number one but that didn't stop me playing the return of my fave boy band right through til Shine came out. The triumphant barometer by which all comebacks are measured...
- ACTUAL ~ Leona Lewis, A Moment Like This: I probably would have liked Leona's winner song a lot more had I not gone totally nuts for it when Kelly Clarkson released it a few years earlier. Now imagine if this had been Bleeding Love!!
- MINE ~ Shayne Ward, Melt The Snow: Ah, my second Shayne festive number one - and an album track that should have definitely been given a bash at single status in the UK. From Shayne's underrated second album Breathless, this romantic little ditty should have cemented Shayne's status as Britain's premier male pop star. Alas, it was not to be...
- ACTUAL ~ Leon Jackson, When You Believe: Third of four X Factor festive number ones. Had this song been sung by who it seemed it was intended for (Same Difference) I probably would have agreed and been in sync once more. I just listened to the Mariah-Whitney version instead which was less than 10 years old...
- MINE ~ Jason Mraz, Live High Live Mighty: I've long been a fan of the Mraz and he does do rather spectacular, uplifting ditties. This is one such tune. Not so much a song as a mantra to live by, it's glorious sing along chorus had me subscribing to his scripture & lifting my spirits all through December 2008...
- ACTUAL ~ Alexandra Burke, Hallelujah: I didn't actually like Alexandra until she came back with a corking debut single proper (2009's Bad Boys) so I was unmoved by her snotting all over Beyonce and coming out with a credible cover (surely an oxymoron) winner's single...
- MINE ~ Pet Shop Boys, It Doesn't Often Snow At Christmas: A remix of their fan club only single from the 90s was done in outstanding, bombastic, grandiose Pet Shop Boys style with a celestial choral refrain of BING CROSBY and an entirely euphoric middle 8 sending me over the edge with giddy joy!
- ACTUAL ~ Rage Against The Machine, Killing In The Name: Oh I don't even want to discuss this. Yes yes well done everyone who bought it for ruining Christmas!
- MINE ~ Elouise, You'll Never Walk Alone: OK, if the X Factor is going to insist on doing cover versions year on year then they could do a lot worse than cast an eye over Elouise's stunning version of the classic Carousel tune for how to deliver maximum emotion in an elegant refined setting. Quite simply amazing.
- ACTUAL ~ Matt Cardle, When We Collide: And sanity was restored to the nation after poor Geordie Joe lost out temporarily in 2009 with Matt taking honours with his indie-rock stormer. I wonder if Harry One Direction was right and he did get a lot of pussy?!
- MINE ~ Elouise, Dear Santa: Elouise follows up her triumphant Christmas number of 2010 with a camp as, well, Christmas version of The Weather Girls classic, Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man). And it's exactly the type of pink fluffy icing song that deserves to be a top the charts at this most wonderful time of the year. Believe in me & I'll believe in you Saint Nick!
- ACTUAL ~ Military Wives, Wherever You Are: Not really my cup of tea. I'll just give to the charity directly instead. Still it tapped into a nation's collective psyche and spawned an increasing amount of charity singles released every year by increasingly big names. Not even Little Mix "still a little bit of your taste in my mouth" could compete!
- MINE ~ Gravitonas, Someday Someone: Ace Swedish duo proved that they could defy convention, abandon albums and just release singles and EPs whenever they wanted to & still be successful. This was hidden away as a non-single track on one of their releases in 2012 and just sounded to me like the greatest boy band ballad never released by One Direction. I loved it. Still do.
- ACTUAL ~ The Justice Collective, He Ain't Heavy: The most interesting thing about this Band Aid-esque collection of groups & singers is that it gave Mel C of Spice Girls fame involvement in a fourth Christmas number one (following her trio from the 90s of 2 Become 1, Too Much and Goodbye)...
- MINE ~ Leona Lewis, One More Sleep: Actually it was a tie last year as I just couldn't choose between Lily and Leona. But wouldn't it have been nice if for in the first time in ages the Christmas number one was an actual Christmas song - and they don't come any more catchy or enduring than this top 3 Leona hit :)
- ACTUAL ~ Sam Bailey, Skyscraper: So X Factor takes the crown once more. No denying that Sam is a great singer but surely they could have found her a song that wasn't released as recently as 2012 (and that was in the UK top 10 as recently as October 2013)?!
- MINE ~ Straight No Chaser ft Kristen Bell, Text Me Merry Christmas Was there anything more delightful than this charming a capella number back in the winter of 2014? Not only did it create a relatable and witty lovers conversation, it was all done with the power of only SNC's vocals as the percolating backing track. Kristen took her singing experience from Frozen and turned it into something a little more adult (but with a winking humour that the grown ups would get without too many awkward questions from the kids.
- ACTUAL ~ Ben Haenow, Something I Need: You have to go all the way back to 2005 to find an X Factor winners song that I have liked so much. Not only did the charming Mr Haenow perform so consistently well on the show, he managed to do so with a grace and humility that was charmingly endearing. Simon Cowell gifted him with such a gem of a song - and refreshingly (although not an original composition specifically for Ben) it was a little known number by One Republic that a) had never charted here in the UK (or the US) and b) was the perfect fit for Ben's energetic, pop fueled vocal style. I'm sad Second Hand Heart didn't do as well, but that was equally as lovely a tune.
- MINE ~ Kylie Minogue, Every Day's Like Christmas (S/A/W Remix): I fell and fell hard for Kylie Christmas as soon as it was released. There were many many standout tracks - indeed, the biggest competition for my most played song this Christmas was actually Kylie's duet with James Corden (Only You). Still, this track in it's original album format was slowly winning my heart a little more each week and when it was remixed by the soundtrackers of my youth (Stock, Aitken and Waterman), well I couldn't resist it any longer. Utterly delightful and will probably be played well into new year...
- ACTUAL ~ Lewisham & Greenwich NHS Choir, A Bridge Over You: As I have actually never even heard this song, I don't feel like I'm qualified to comment on it. Bravo, though, on this lofty success and raising money/awareness for very necessary issues. The charity single has actually found a way to use streaming/sales to it's advantage in recent years - in ways that many artists and labels are still trying to figure out.
- MINE ~ Kylie Minogue, Everybody's Free (To Feel Good): In terms of non-Christmas but Christmas themed songs, I've pretty much been playing this and Vaults' One Day I'll Fly Away on a repetitive, euphoric loop. Both are drenched in lush orchestral scores and soaring crescendo moments, but Kylie just pips them at the post as Snow Queen proves to be the gift that really does keep on giving. The best bit (in a song saturated with them) is the moment it becomes a swirling, funk ridden, disco extravaganza that is not only the perfect companion piece to It's Still Disco To Me (and Step Back In Time, Your Disco Needs You, Night Fever, Off With His Shirt et al) but also an exhilarating, soul soothing, spirit lifting addition to any Yuletide playlist. Joyful AND triumphant!
25 ~ Olly Murs, Grow Up
24 ~ Christie & The Dream Beats, Learning To Dance Again
23 ~ The Heydaze, Hurt Like Hell
22 ~ Sean Smith, Turn Me On
21 ~ Louisa Johnson, So Good
20 ~ Tom Chaplin, Hardened Heart
19 ~ Little Mix, Shout Out To My Ex
18 ~ Little Mix, Touch
17 ~ Pet Shop Boys, Say It To Me
16 ~ Jakil, Truth Is
15 ~ Paul Carney, Kiss and Make Up
14 ~ Robbie Williams, Party Like A Russian
13 ~ Roxette, Why Don't You Bring Me Flowers?
12 ~ Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Crystallise
11 ~ Maroon 5, Don't Wanna Know
10 ~ X&Y, Secrets
09 ~ Bright Lightx2, Little Bit
08 ~ DNCE, Body Moves
07 ~ Fitz & The Tantrums, Roll Up
06 ~ Michael Buble, I Believe In You
05 ~ Olly Murs, Years and Years
04 ~ Mans Zelmerlow, Glorious
03 ~ Robbie Williams, Love My Life
02 - Vaults, One Day I'll Fly Away
01 - Kylie, Everybody's Free (4 weeks)
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